I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
