Someone shit on the floor
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
