Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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