My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
