At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
