He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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