I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
