nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
