remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
pray to the hookup gods
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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