don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
