Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
