When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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