my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
