How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
