Barsexuality is the new black.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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