I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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