he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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