you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
