splinters make it hard to masturbate
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
