I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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