I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
