WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
