If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
