Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You pole danced in your parka.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
