Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
