Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
