I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
