It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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