I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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