Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
