I'm jealous of your bromance
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
