I'm really into asian looking animals
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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