Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
