She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
