okay pat passed out under dana's car
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
