i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
