fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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