My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
