I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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