Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
