I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
