just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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