Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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