I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
