Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
