hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
