was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
