My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
