He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i think my cat just said my name.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
