he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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