I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
