I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
