Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
