I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
