the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
