You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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