I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
