If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
